Day 967: The 20th of March

Some brief updates, now that I am up to date once more.

So, I asked a girl out for coffee, and she agreed. We have planned to meet up this Friday. Instantly upon planning this arrangement, the icy grip of terror and anxiety has closed around me, about as expected. This is a whole new concept, haven’t done anything like this before. It is one area of life that I am brand new to and cannot truly plan for.

The same doubts creep in as always, and I am forced to chase them away with as much logic as I can muster. As I think to myself, I realise that my fears of ruining everything will lead to the exact thing I fear. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. After all, fear and anxiety are not the best feelings to have controlling you when you are trying to interact with anyone at all.

This is something that has to happen live, and has to happen naturally. And if it is meant to happen, it will happen. I know this, but I still don’t want to fuck it up. And there really isn’t that much to fuck up. Even getting this far has given me rewards worth having: the proof that people actually can be interested in me, for one thing.

Tomorrow I shall be getting some actual uni work done, which I can hopefully concentrate on and which will hopefully distract me from my current worries. After all, I do have a formative exam coming up this week too, I should try to do my best.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.


Day 958: The 11th of March

Went to the gym, ate afternoon tea and then read philosophy for the rest of the day.

What an eventful Sunday. I can’t say I expected it to be so busy. Feeling so tense.

Doesn’t help that I have to be up in 7 hours. About to head off to bed now, since I have done everything I can tonight. Got a formative exam tomorrow afternoon, so that will be painful.

Just feeling pretty bleh.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.