Well, it’s been a long, long time, but I finally come to you all today with something to actually discuss.
It relates quite a bit to my faults. For a change, not in the romantic area this time, though I am sure I shall eventually get back on that bandwagon again. No, today I want to talk about an issue which many other people also have experienced in their lives, particularly in today’s modern, connected society.
I made it no secret a few months back that I was deeply enamoured by my journey through Persona 5, as I’m sure everyone can recall. In my mind it is pretty much the greatest Persona game ever made and takes and improves every aspect of the previous games. Still, I felt really apprehensive when I was asked by Ben to buy it for his birthday.
You might think, if you don’t see where I am driving at by this point, why would I be worried about a game I have already established such high praise for? Well, pretty much for the same reason I try to avoid sharing stuff I like with anyone, unless I am sure they will take it positively. Hell, I didn’t even want to share footage of Splatoon with my friends unless they thought I was weird.
So why am I talking about this now? Well, I have an almost detrimental amount of respect for my siblings’ opinions on things, for the most part. I remember telling my sister about my favourite book, many years ago now, and feeling pretty embarrassed when she didn’t give it a second look. Then I just felt like it was something I shouldn’t like. Particularly as that book is very heavily on the strong male protagonist side of things and the whole feminism thing is something I really don’t want to get into with someone like my sister, especially if it would get in the way of my enjoyment in the series as a whole. Still, it has made it harder for me to bring myself to go back and reread the series.
To bring this back around to Persona, then. I recently bought Ben Persona 5 for his birthday, as previously stated, and he has been playing it. Alongside him, my sister has also begun playing through the game. The issue is, I get really worried. I don’t want to have people I respect shitting on a game that is getting near to the top of my favourite games list. And the fact that I can’t really tell how they feel about the game just makes me nervous at all times. Above all else, I’d love to have other people to enthuse about this great series with. But I’d rather keep it to myself if it allows me to keep enjoying it without feeling guilty for my own enjoyment.
I feel like this feeling of anxiety over the quality of things people like is something that comes up often in modern day society too. You see it all the time, with people getting angry over the ratings reviewers give things, despite the fact that those ratings have no effect on the individual’s experience with the game. So many people feel the need to justify what they enjoy, and I am no exception. There are things that I enjoy that I know are pretty unpopular with the public, but I can handle that as long as those closest to me appreciate them as well. But it is a whole different story when someone whose opinion I respect a lot looks down on my enjoyment of a thing.
I know that it would be wrong to attempt to force someone to enjoy something, but still. Maybe I am just being paranoid and I should have more faith in the product that I enjoyed so much. Still, that has proven in the past to not make a difference. Sometimes people can just lose interest with something and you are left wondering if they even gave it a chance.
I don’t really know what I’m getting at here. I just wanted to get this off my chest. And I do hope that Ben and Emma both enjoy the game. If they don’t, it will no doubt lead to me pushing my opinions on it deep down inside of me and never speaking about it in front of them again, for fear of further ridicule. It’s stupid, but it is what it is.
It doesn’t help that the very idea of asking if they are enjoying the game fills me with nerves. That can bring the whole issue to a head and it makes me wonder if just leaving it in the dark is better than the alternative.
Anyway, tomorrow I am going to try to meet up with someone and forget about all of this. Give everything a little time. I don’t know if I’ll be able to concentrate on much tonight though, so I might just sit here and worry for an hour or so before I sleep.
Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.