Day 34: The 30th of August

So, it’s almost the end of August and I spent today outside for once.

Not that I really wanted to, but I guess it wasn’t so bad. I was woken up at midday by my parents forcing me to get ready to go out and got a nice breakfast of a bacon and brie panini. While we were there my mother got talking to complete strangers, as she usually does, which is something that still amazes me. I hope one day that I can just approach everyone as easily.

So, after that we headed down to Emma and Ben’s house to pick up a few stepladders and I saw their friends who had come over from Wales to visit. I, as usual, spoke very little and instead just hid in the background, which suited me just fine. It feels like it has been forever since I last spoke to Emma and Ben, so it was nice to see them.

Anyway, that was pretty much all that happened today and, since one of my friends apparently really wants to see a longer post, I guess I will talk about something else. Be warned, I may just be grasping at straws for something to write about after this.

I guess I could talk about my time trying to fit in around my secondary school. That is a pretty safe topic, so it should be alright. I’ve already said about who I hung around with for the beginning of my time there in my earlier relationship post and, while I will be coming back to how that all ended, we’re just going to skip to the end for now.

After I broke up with… ‘Alpha’ I think I called her in my other post; I was pretty lost about what to do. I had been in that group of friends for the past three or so years and, since she wasn’t going to leave where they normally hung out, which was her form room, I decided to go elsewhere. I don’t really remember too clearly what happened after that.

I believe I spent a good amount of time following around my old friends from my primary school days as they flitted like the social butterflies I believed them to be. Eventually I got tired of essentially cramping their style and decided to just eat in the lunch hall, where pretty much every person who wasn’t in a group big enough to claim an area outside ate. I remember sitting and eating alone for a little while, before I met another group of people who didn’t mind me sitting with them.

This group was all girls, which suited me just fine as a young teenager, even if I felt incredibly out of place there. Being the only; slightly chubby, boy in a group of girls is always a bit of a downer. I’d like to think I’m slightly better looking now, but who’s to say? Anyway that’s not related at all. This group of girls had a few I knew from my form, a few from primary school and some from my other classes and hanging around them at least gave me a place to sit and be quiet, even if I didn’t join in conversation too much. I did share my lunch with them on occasion though.

I’m realising that this reads like an even more boring version of a generic highschool drama, so I’m going to try to speed up a bit. I hung around with that group for a long while, maybe a year or two of school and in that time I met one of the people who completely changed my school life. He was transferring to the school from the north of England and, while I still must confess I know very little about the circumstances of the move (I may have just forgotten, but don’t tell him that) he still became friends with me quite quickly.

Not that it was entirely due to me. One of my old friends from primary school sat with me in class and we noticed that he was working alone, so we started talking to him. Soon, he was asking where I ate lunch, since he usually just ate with his little brother and so he joined my little group of ladies. It was quite a nice change of pace having a guy in the group.

Despite that all happening, the group of friends did start to break apart. Now, I may be overdramatising when I say that the changes in friend groups in school reminds me a lot of the changes in nations, on a smaller scale. It is quite entertaining to watch and be part of, even if most of the issues in school are extremely petty.

That has given me quite a good idea for a post though. Maybe a historical-style account of the making and breaking of my friend groups in school, which will only be entertaining to me. But, in all fairness, the entire point of this blog was to entertain me in the first place, so whatever. Plus, I can use it to remind myself of my life once I start losing the plot. Maybe one day I can tell my grandchildren about it, eh? Bore them to death with it too.

That’s for another day though. I have typed far too much as it is. I’ll be back again tomorrow, same bat hour, same bat channel!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 33: The 29th of August

I’m finally back to normal… ish.

Yes, it took a week of being slightly unwell and a few days of rest but I’m feeling like myself once again, at long last. And a good thing too, since I need to start stepping up my game of getting ready for university.

While my parents are doing most of the getting ready in terms of things I’ll need when I get there, I want to get started on some of the more subtle things. Things like building up enough stamina to walk around all day doing things again. When I was in school I had to walk up and down the stairs all day at speed to get from class to class but over the last few months I’ve been slacking somewhat.

Now, I am terrible when it comes to sticking to an exercise routine, as many people are. However I think I might be able to manage at least something between now and the 28th of September, which is when I believe I will be starting. Today I did a bit of jogging on the spot for a while until I could barely move, which may seem impressive until you find out how short a time I was doing it for. I’ll keep that to myself though.

Plus, the idea of getting some exercise could also have other benefits, in terms of maybe improving my looks slightly. I don’t deny that I am a bit vain, as sad as that is considering all my high-and-mighty life lessons I’ve been spouting in posts. The idea of looking attractive is surely appealing to everyone though, so I take some solace in that. Anyway, it is doubtful at best if I am going to put in much effort at all.

One plan I had was to tell you guys about me doing exercise so that I would feel bad if I didn’t do it. You all saw how that turned out when I said I’d write a longer post yesterday though, so don’t hold your breath about that. In my mind though, I’d rather write about something interesting than just spend a lot of time writing about something ridiculously dull.

So, yes. That’s pretty much all there is to say about that. I’m tempted to write the post I’ve been meaning to write for a while soon, the rest of my relationship history. We will have to see though, that is the sort of thing I need to be in the right mood for.

And with that, I’ll be off. It feels wonderful being back to normal at long last and I’ll try to keep it that way. Goodnight everyone!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 32: The 28th of August

So I am at long last back in my home, with my nice keyboard and loud computer fans.

Turns out I was right when I said I would rue the day I promised to do a long post. Getting home proved exhausting and while I did do a fair amount of stuff today none of it was interesting.

At least I don’t have to deal with autocorrect anymore. Now my writing can be as speedy as usual. However, I think my brain needs to catch up with me again now.

I really should be building up more stamina by now. I mean, just going out for the day leads to me being exhausted in the evenings and pretty much any long conversation with anyone I don’t know well leaves me mentally drained. I don’t know how I’ll survive at university.

Speaking of university, I am starting to get nervous about this whole thing again. Living alone, meeting brand new people, it all seems unreal to me, someone who has never really had to plan their life or time before. Maybe it won’t be so bad when I get there. I hope so for my sake.

Anyway, I told you I would regret saying I would do a long post and I knew it to be true. In fact, I’ll just take the coward’s way out and call it quits for tonight. I’ll make it up to the whole one person who follows this blog tomorrow!

Ciao, everyone!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 31: The 27th of August

So today was quite painful.

Not in the sense of mental pain either. I believe another wisdom tooth is coming through and now I can’t chew very hard without an explosion of pain. To make matters worse I have an annoying cold as well! No matter, I fought through the worst of it while exploring Chichester today.

It was quite nice I guess, but you never feel entirely ‘there’ when you aren’t feeling well and today was no exception. It is a pain because I like being polite to people at all times, especially waiters and waitresses and I never feel like I have been myself when I am nursing an illness. We visited a lovely tea room and I kept thinking about how much they must disapprove of me. I’m sure I wasn’t that bad, to be honest, but I hate not being able to display my best side to new people I meet. After all I may only have one chance to meet them, I want to leave a good memory.

We also stopped off in a coffee shop later on and I discussed the different ways people walk. I know it’s rude to judge people like that, but I always enjoy trying to understand a person based on things like their stride. Some shuffle along with small steps, others throw their whole weight into each step. I bet if people knew I was watching they would be self conscious so I try to keep it subtle.

Other than that, I had a lovely meal at the local Indian, a ‘Butter Chicken’ to be precise. Indian food is one of the few that I can say without hesitation that I love, even if I can’t handle spicy things. It would just be nice to be able to fully enjoy it by chewing and being able to taste everything better. Colds are a pain.

Anyway, I’ll be heading home tomorrow, back to my beautiful computer and I’m sure my incredibly lonely friends who have been waiting with bated breath for my return. Okay, so that’s unlikely but still, I can dream.

I’ll make tomorrow’s post a longer one, I promise. I bet I’ll regret saying that tomorrow night.

See you then!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 30: The 26th of August

Greetings, one and all, to the halls of the Lord Rogers.

Just kidding, but I just finished watched the final ‘Hobbit’ movie and I felt a bit inspired. There is always something special in a story of adventure and overcoming all odds, especially one in a world as wide and fantastic as Tolkien’s. I’m sure many of us have dreamed of going on adventures at some time or another and these works of fiction allow us to slip away from reality into a whole new world when we choose.

So I didn’t do much today, it was raining for the majority of the day and for the rest I was watching the second and third ‘Hobbit’. At least it gives me a chance to sit with my family, something I don’t do at home, instead opting to sit in my room with my computer. Not that I don’t miss my computer but that isn’t the point.

I’m not going to try to think of something interesting to talk about tonight, I have a minor headache and want to go and sit in bed. I only have one more night out here anyway and then I can type from my comfortable desk and keyboard. I’ll miss the quiet of the coast, but it will be nice to get back to it all I guess. It may take me a few days to adjust to talking to people again!

So, this was just a quick one but I hope you can forgive me that. Goodnight and goodbye until tomorrow evening, everyone!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 29: The 25th of August

I’m wide awake tonight, which makes this a perfect time to start my daily post!

So, today was another lazy day, which was nice because I hate doing things while I am on holiday. Sat on the sofa and watched the first movie in the ‘Hobbit’ trilogy, which was relaxing and, following that, went out for a lovely meal at ‘Samphire’. This was amazingly good, since I even didn’t mind eating the vegetables for once in my life. I am normally a hilariously picky eater.

Honestly I have kind of gone off track about what to talk about tonight. I didn’t really think about much all day, except at dinner where I had a merry discussion about whether or not my father was scary. That, however, seems a bit of a dull topic for this post, so instead let us talk about… ah, I know! Being friends with controversial people.

There is always a sort of strange delight when hanging around people who hold somewhat extreme world views. I don’t mean terrorist levels of extreme, but you know what I mean. It could be an elderly relative who is still a bit racist or just a friend who doesn’t know when to shut up. Not telling who I am referring to there. The point is, I guess, they make you feel slightly more just. Plus they can be quite amusing.

One of my friends once had some pretty seriously screwed up opinions on the world and I would argue with him about it in almost every conversation we had. I’m not going to bring up what it all stemmed from now, since he doesn’t like to think about it anymore and it isn’t relevant at the moment.

Anyway, now we are pretty close friends and it has really shown me what a wide variety of people you can end up enjoying the company of. This particular friend is really too nice to me, to be honest. I constantly make jokes about him (to his face, I hasten to add) but his sense of humour just lets him laugh it off. It seems like he really understands me, even though we haven’t been friends for long.

Now, I’m not saying my other friends don’t understand me, but as I’m sure you all know, different friends bring different dynamics to your life. Whenever I’m around this guy I feel relaxed, probably because he is always being silly. Usually it’s my job to be the silly one and distract everyone, or that is how it feels to me, but he pulls it off like a pro. We can discuss things and have a laugh, while in the same conversation asking for advice and talking about our closest feelings.

It saddens me to say this, but it has been harder to discuss my feelings with my best friend now that he has a girlfriend, as I have mentioned before. I feel a bit pathetic talking to him when he has his own relationship to worry about. On the other hand my weird friend doesn’t mind chatting about relationships and things like that.

This has been a bit of a circular post, not really much to talk about as I have said before. I had better end it now before the use of various pronouns becomes too confusing to understand. Still, can’t be bothered with fake names with this terrible keyboard, so it will have to do.

So, from me, I’ll catch you on the flipside!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 28: The 24th of August

Hello everyone!

Today is probably my earliest post in the day, starting at 7:00 PM and ending at 11:00 PM. Not that it matters too much since I am planning on talking about stuff other than what happened today, which merely involved me staggering around the house with a cold and having a nice hot bath.

I wanted to talk about something incredibly boring, as per usual, by talking about my far fetched hopes for the future of gaming. I admit this is a pretty simple topic compared to my amazingly astute observations on humanity as a whole, but it is also something I think about quite a lot.

I, like a lot of people, enjoy games involving controlling the lives of people. This probably sounds really creepy, but many people also enjoy that sort of thing so I promise I’m not too weird! Things like ‘The Sims’ and more recently ‘Tomodachi Life’. But one thing that really makes me think is how different these games would be if the characters in them had true A.I. I mean the ability to think and feel for themselves. On one hand it would be incredible, characters would make lifelike decisions, the love stories that unfold would be completely genuine and so would the fights. But unfortunately something like that, if even possible, would raise a lot of problems.

For starters, if artificial intelligence can feel just like humanity can, then would the characters also have rights? This is a pretty divisive question. I mean, they are essentially computer programs in some people’s minds. Personally I don’t know what I would answer that question with. That is partially because the idea of being able to control the lives of even just programs is really quite entertaining. Hundreds of thousands of people have killed off their Sims, locking them in a room with a burning stove or removing the ladder to get into and out of the pool.

So, since there is no clear answer on that issue, let’s move on. Say we step out of just controlling their lives and into, say, an RPG (or DOG as autocorrect tells me). It would be a dream come true to be able to walk through a virtual town and talk to people who can respond to anything you say. No more pre-made quests or dialogue trees. Completely free flowing conversation. If such a thing was possible, it would blur the line between fiction and reality. And it would be really awesome too!

It doesn’t even just have to be games, either. Artificial actors and actresses would be able to perform stunts that no real human could through the safety of software. You might not even need a script, just create a scenario and let people watch the virtual world unfold naturally. You may be able to tell but this sort of thing really fires me up.

Of course, if artificial intelligence ever reaches that stage it will probably be in many decades time, if that. I must admit though, I wouldn’t be an optimist if I didn’t believe it was possible in my lifetime. It is a concept that, if ever perfected, would revolutionise everything.

So that is my little speech about a topic that interests me greatly. It probably is a pretty terrible topic for a daily blog, but I honestly couldn’t think of anything interesting to talk about, as usual. So thank you all for at least humouring me while I ramble. You people are too kind!

Kind regards, as always.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 27: The 23rd of August

Today was really relaxing.

I got to sit inside the calm interior of our holiday cottage while my parents wandered the town in search of breakfast and I played a lot of ‘Tomodachi Life’. It was nice to be able to do nothing and not feel guilty for once, like I do when I am at home.

At this stage I am getting painfully tired of hearing about the Shoreham crash. I just want to forget about it for the time being, which I think is a justified wish. I do feel for the families who lost loved ones but that is entirely the problem. I don’t want to be miserable, as stuck up as that is, and this event has been everywhere I look or so it seems.

Every new news story and Twitter post I hear about it is like another twist of the knife. It may seem like I am a coward who wants to run away from what happened. And in all honesty if that is what anyone thinks, then so be it. Just give me a chance to forget, at least for a while.

I probably sound like a right pansy. I didn’t even lose anyone in this accident.

Anyway, time for a new topic, eh? Well it would be if I could think of anything. I guess I will just talk about fears for a little bit. Think of it as a taster of a longer post that I may write.

I don’t have any qualms with telling you that I am arachnophobic. I have been told time and time again that spiders usually pose no threat to me and yes, like most people who fear spiders I realise that they are not dangerous. But then, that doesn’t really help when it is an irrational fear, does it?

I still freeze up when it comes to trying to get near spiders, even to kill them. I dart underneath them if they are on the ceiling, checking behind me in case they fell on my head. I spent an hour last week staring at one hanging over my bed in the middle of the night until it scuttled away into the corner. Now my fear isn’t the strongest, I can handle spiders in the room as long as they stay away from me but the thought of touching them terrifies me to no end.

Still, this fear can lead to constant confusion from others, who see being afraid of a spider as hilariously funny. Yet my own mother cares very little about spiders and is deathly afraid of snakes. It is very strange what the human brain can do for no good reason.

I will get back to this topic on a later date; for now I am going to bed. I hope these blog posts have been formatted correctly and are grammatically correct, autocorrect can be a bit of a pain and I have to keep rereading my posts as I write them.

Hope people have been having a good weekend.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 26: The 22nd of August

Mortality is a scary thing.

Today was not the best day. I witnessed the crash of the Hunter jet at Shoreham air show which has killed 7 people.

Yeah. But still, I created this blog to talk about my feelings and so I am going to chat a little bit about it. Of course this is going to be a pretty morbid post so I am warning you now.

When it happened I felt more horror than I have even felt before. Suddenly crowds of spectators went almost silent, a great intake of breath throughout hundreds of people. I just slumped back in my chair and pulled my hat down over my eyes.

The first thing I thought about for the rest of the hours we were stuck in the air show grounds were what the pilot must have felt, seeing the ground rushing up to meet him. I don’t condone blaming anyone for what happened though, it was an accident.

Then my thoughts turned to how lucky I was. It is a guilty feeling, but the plane flew above the crowd I was in mere moments before the crash and at least I am alright. I am also pretty glad that most of the crowd stood up and blocked my view of the accident. The only thing I saw was the steadily growing fireball and the clouds of black smoke that rose and floated across the fields.

It really made me think about just how fragile our lives are. I live my life with the assumption that I will survive for many more years and it is an almost impossible feeling knowing that the people who died in that crash woke up this morning with no knowledge that they would never see the end of the day.

Anyway, I don’t want to add that much of a depressing feeling to this blog so I shall cut my post short here. I won’t stop posting, though I will probably spend most of tomorrow recovering emotionally.

I’ll catch you all later.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 25: The 21st of August

Tonight I am lying in bed at the coast, listening to the gentle lapping of the waves upon the shore in the distance.

These posts are going to be short and sweet, since writing from this tablet is almost physically painful. At least there will be some content going up each day though!

I spent most of the day daydreaming while I gazed out of the car window for hours. I really do enjoy just thinking about random stuff, even if most of the things I daydream about are really depressing, like the possibility of someday finding love or what it would be like to be the main character in a television programme.

Anyway, we eventually arrived and had a nice meal at the cafè round the corner. Then we took a look out at the sea, which was clear enough to see the twinkling lights of the Isle of Wight far away. Standing there made me feel like I could run all the way to them if I tried.

I’m going to bed now, since I have to be up early tomorrow. See you all later!

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.