Day 400: The 30th of August

Oh God. It’s the 400th day of the blog.

I honestly have not thought at all about if I am going to do anything special for this. I am a bit unprepared for such a milestone.

Honestly, outside of what I do daily, I really don’t know anything interesting I would put in a big post like this anymore. I pretty much exhausted all of the interesting stuff about me in the first 300 posts I had made. Anyway, we can at least start with today.

So I woke up. The time I woke up is pretty irrelevant at this point, I’m sure. I had a bath after breakfast and then I decided to make a new Fallout 4 character. I didn’t play much of them though, since I am playing on Survival difficulty now and I want to have more time to dedicate to that sort of thing. Instead, I went downstairs to investigate how the baby was doing.

My mother and sister were watching a terrible movie, which Ben and I later joined them to watch. It was the old 2004 Thunderbirds movie, if anyone is interested. So that took up a little bit of time, but was quite fun. Then my mother went off to finish dinner and Emma, Ben and I finished the season 5 premiere of MLP. Good times.

After dinner, Emma and Ben headed off home. I came back upstairs and lounged around helplessly until about 1 AM, when Jake came online. Then we played League of Legends and sat around until about 2:30 AM, when Jake went to sleep.

And now it is 3:15 AM and I am sitting here writing this blog post. I still can’t really believe how much of a routine this blog has become now. Just part of the ticking clockwork of my life at this point. Something along the lines of: stay up too late, finish my blog post, lie in bed for half an hour waiting for the soft embrace of sleep.

So, would I say that the blog has been a positive effect on my life? I really have no idea. I think in the beginning it was very positive. I used to write on here whenever I had a problematic conversation with the guys and then we would sort it out together. Now they don’t read this anymore and they rarely even speak to me anymore.

I guess another positive is that I write down my thoughts, even if I do leave out quite a lot, even now. There are some things that you can’t share, even if they will never be read by another soul. Even online I am constantly haunted by what other people think of me. I have been told time and again not to worry about what other people think, but it never stops the worry.

So much of my self worth is still based around how other people perceive me. It’s really not a sustainable way of living. I even feel bad about how my parents think of me and they are the first to support me in pretty much everything. My mother always tells her children how much better it is to not be normal, to stand out and be unique. But still, at times I think she thinks I am the weirdest member of the family.

I think if there is one thing this blog has done in spades, it is make me feel bad about my situation in life. Even if no one reads this blog, I still worry about what potential readers would think of me. And so far, I have a pretty good idea. After all, I am a shut-in, I play games all day and contribute nothing of worth to society. I crave the attention of others so much that it is pretty creepy.

All in all, it’s not a particularly flattering picture. And without this blog, I wouldn’t care too much, since no one would know or be able to judge me on it. But it really just brings it to the forefront of my mind. This is who I am, at the moment.

On the other hand, I don’t want to stop writing my blog. As much as it hurts, sitting down to write down the same thing every single day, it is an archive of the past year of my life. Maybe one day I will have a chance to sit down and read it all back. Then I will be able to see the me of the past and what his personality was like, compared to who I will become in the future. And I think that is an aim worth the suffering.

Anyway, that about sums it up. It is time for me to sleep at this point.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.


Day 399: The 29th of August

I had fun today.

I was woken up in the mid-morning light by Ben flashing my lights on and off. This was because I was meant to come for breakfast with everyone. At least I didn’t feel too tired, in all fairness.

The family friends were here for most of the morning, but they eventually headed off. Because of this, we decided to go up to town with Corwin for a drink. This was nice.

We then came back home and I watched Corwin while Emma and Ben had a few hours of sleep. He was asleep the whole time though, so I didn’t really have much to do.

I dunno. I feel like today was off somehow. Maybe it is just me. I just feel a bit uncomfortable about how it went is all. I mean it was fun enough, but at the same time it was weird. Ah well.

Nothing to really be done about it now. I’d be hard pressed to think of a day that didn’t feel off in some way recently. Just have to forget about it and move on.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 398: The 28th of August

Man, I hate to say it, but today was actually a good day! Just kidding, I don’t really hate to say it, it was a pleasure.

I woke up an hour before we were meant to head over for a barbeque at the family who lives around the corner’s house. This was after last night’s ordeal of lying in bed for hours just thinking about how terrible I am. I feel like a night of forcing myself to be depressed just makes everything that follows it that much sweeter. And I can now say that I have actually cried myself to sleep! Haha.

So we went over there for the barbeque. I ended up eating practically nothing, but that was fine by me. I hung out with people and I got to hang out with Emma, Ben and Corwin, so that cheered me right up. I haven’t really been all that hungry today, to be honest. It didn’t help that it began raining about half a minute before we arrived at the house.

So after a few hours over there, we eventually decided to head home. We watched some MLP together, including the season 4 finale, which was a magical experience all around. Then the new parents went home. They shall be back tomorrow morning, along with some more family friends who are coming for breakfast. That means I have to get up.

Ah well, it is a Sunday, so I also got some new shows to watch. This fills up a lot of time, which is good. Unfortunately I usually watch everything as soon as it comes out, leaving me with a week of nothing.

So it is currently just past midnight. And something evil is lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart. It’s me. I’m going to bed.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 397: The 27th of August

The days all just flow into each other at the moment, don’t they? I guess they are also feeling the heat.

Honestly, I feel like I am really stuck in a rut. What am I even doing? That is the question we are all asking.

So I woke up today at around 11:30 AM. The rest of the family was out, my parents were visiting my grandmother, so it was just me. After a few hours of browsing the internet and chatting with Tim, he decided to go to bed, because his sleeping pattern is even more screwed than mine. This gave me a good opportunity to have a bath and freshen up, as well as cool off from the growing heat of the day.

I lay in the bath for about three quarters of an hour, alternating the hot and cold taps and just generally trying to be comfortable. This was a nice distraction for a while, I just lay and thought about nothing. Eventually I was going a bit wrinkly, so I hopped out and got dressed into something loose.

At this point Jake came online and we played some more League of Legends. It wasn’t too bad, but all too soon Jake had to go and do something else. So I pretty much did nothing until dinner.

So yeah. Honestly I am just feeling a bit left behind by everything at the moment. Not really any different than usual, I know. Just never doing anything productive. I don’t even know what I should be doing. My thoughts are I should be contacting new or old friends, that sort of thing. But everyone I know is on holiday or just too busy and I don’t know where to start with talking to new people. There are so many online games and things where I could start.

I am sounding like a broken record though. Tim told me that maybe I just need a hobby, something for myself alone. I don’t really know anything like that, except games. And other solitary things, like writing. And I even struggle to do that.

Right, I’m going to finish up here and then go to sleep I guess.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 396: The 26th of August

Another quiet day today. Another hot day too.

I mean, I just don’t feel like doing anything when it is so hot and I am still in pain from my finger. The majority of the day was spent either just chilling or playing League of Legends. A new skin for one of my favourite champions just released and I somehow managed to play all day and never get a chance to play using it.

I don’t really remember too much of what happened though. I ate a lunch of baked beans on toast and had a steak for dinner, but other than that there wasn’t much going on. Oh, I also watched Airplane! with my parents, so that took up a couple of hours.

The days just need to cool off now. Then I might be able to actually do something with my life. As of right now I just feel tired of it all. Not really looking forward to going back to university either.

Anyway, it is sleepy times for now.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 395: The 25th of August

What a painfully hot and slow day.

I woke up earlier than usual and had a nice bath and a shave, which was a good start. By this point, the day hadn’t reached its highest temperature yet. It wasn’t to last.

I played a bit of the Elder Scrolls Legends, then continued playing Pokémon Y for a little while. I am getting a bit of a backlog of content for the Nuzlocke story now.

Emma and Ben turned up a bit later and brought a friend to show the baby to. We all had dinner together, then they all headed off.

I came back upstairs and no one else was online for the rest of the day. It was just a hot evening of doing nothing. The plan now, since no one wants me, is to get a relatively early night and actually sleep before midnight for a change.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 394: The 24th of August

Joyous day! A day spent without coming onto my computer and thus a day of relative peace.

I woke up late, as per usual, though not as late as always. Got washed and dressed reasonably quickly and then came downstairs to hang out with my sister and nephew. We played with the little one for a while, then watched a few episodes of a science documentary on Netflix whilst he fed and slept.

The plan was to have a barbeque, have some tasty food and generally enjoy life. In the end, my brother and his fiancée came round and had a play with the baby and Emma and Ben decided to go home because they didn’t want to stay too late. That meant more food for me, technically, but I was still disappointed to see them go.

I got to help start off the barbeque, then Michael and Jenny took over the cooking and I browsed some reddit instead. There was a variety of meats to indulge in, so it was right up my alley.

Now everyone has headed home and I am dying of heat exhaustion. Turns out it was another really hot day to be upstairs in my room. I have the windows and curtains open and I am still hot.

I am feeling much better after having some time off of the computer. Being at other people’s beck and call can really get to you after a while and it is nice to take a step back for a change and do your own thing.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 393: The 23rd of August

Today was awful.

Man, my finger has been hurting all day. It makes it really hard to do simple tasks. Plus the pain adds to my annoyance from the extremely hot weather. It’s just been sweaty, uncomfortable and painful all day.

So the morning started with Grey cat bringing in another vole. Another live vole, to be precise. So I had to take that out. Then I was planning on having a nice long soak in the bath to hopefully help my finger. But alas, I was called on Skype and ended up in a 9 hour Skype call that basically lasted all of my waking hours.

We played a variety of games during this time, which all turned out pretty shit. There were a lot of reasons for that, but it was mainly people just being trolls. I am turning into a cynical fuck.

I just need to take a break from it all. But it feels like I am always taking a break. So worthless.

I didn’t even manage to finish my chapter I was writing today. So that has been delayed until tomorrow.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 392: The 22nd of August

Today was a fun day. I enjoyed it very much.

I didn’t get a chance to write a new chapter, unfortunately, but that should come tomorrow. I’ll be home alone all day, so I should have plenty of time. As for today, well it was certainly fun.

So I woke up at around 12:30 – 1:00 PM to the sounds of people talking about my nephew. I deduced from this that my sister was over for the day, bringing with her my nephew and her friend. This gave me the motivation needed to get washed and dressed pretty much as soon as I woke up, which is a great start.

So after all of that, I spent a lot of the day downstairs watching the baby. Corwin is growing quickly and he seems a lot more with it now. We had some fun, went for a walk and generally enjoyed life.

I cooked dinner for the family and Ben got back from work in time to do some Pokémon hunting, which was enjoyable. We all ate together and chatted for a bit, before they all headed off.

So, following that is where some pain happened. I partially fell down the stairs and I think I fell on my finger, because it is horrifically painful and swollen. I can move it around fine, so it’s not broken, but it does hurt quite significantly.

Other than that though, it has been good. I haven’t been playing my best CS:GO due to the pain, but I have been able to type this without too much discomfort, so I take that as a win.

Anyway, I am going to go back to some drama now. Apparently Tim’s girlfriend has accused him of cheating with some other girl on Fresher’s week. We are 99% sure this is an entire fabrication, though I have no idea why anyone would bother lying about this. My current theory is that his girlfriend is feeling insecure after their earlier argument and has decided that by lying about this she will receive comfort from Tim. And if that is the case, I’m sorry. You are an asshole.

So yes, I’m going to head off.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

Day 391: The 21st of August

Today was… interesting to the say the least.

My second chapter I was planning to write today was delayed until tomorrow due to an unfolding situation that took up most of my afternoon. You see, early in the afternoon, I realised I had a companion in my room. A vole was running around my feet.

So naturally I screamed like a little girl and the vole scurried away under the furniture. Which was a bit of a problem. So, I called my mother over and she turned my room upside down, but he wasn’t going to come out.

Eventually everyone went back to their business and I spent the next few hours listening carefully, until eventually the vole came out. He ran along the skirting board for a while and I managed to get him trapped around one corner of my room for a while. I even touched him, but I didn’t manage to actually pick him up.

So, after much searching, my moth Ier and I managed to trap him in another corner. We built a wall of books around where he hid, so that as we lifted up the items he hid under he would not be able to escape. Then we scooped him into a glass and deposited him back in the woods.

So now I’ve been up for a while. Jake and I played some Space Station 13 and Tim got banned again for casual racism. Oh good. He can be rather childish sometimes and he has been banned twice for pissing about in the game.

Now I am going to hit the hay, however. Otherwise I am going to die.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.