Day 500: The 8th of December

Who would have ever expected this day to come all those hundreds of days ago when I started this blog?

So we have finally hit 500 daily posts on this blog. Halfway to 1000 and already significantly more than a year of posting. It has been quite the journey so far, with many ups and downs, many dips and high points in the quality and length of my posts. I’d like to think that at least a few of all of these posts have been useful or interesting in some way. Since there is no way that they are currently organised, most of them will never be read anyway, so many words are lost to the endless void of internet content.

Part of the reason why I wrote a lot of this blog in the first place was to give my own impression on certain issues that I had been dealing with in the wider nature of society. I have at this stage lost track of what I have and haven’t said and thus I am sure I have repeated the same statements a significant number of times. But it is equally interesting to see how my own opinions have or have not changed in the past year and a bit. Maybe I will go back and read some of my posts eventually. Maybe I will compile the ones I think are interesting into a category for easy searching of the blog as a whole. That would be a significant amount of work though, so we will see.

So much changes, so much stays the same. There is such a huge juxtaposition in almost all aspects of life in this regard. Whether it is your friends who seem unchanging, yet simultaneously are all growing and developing their own relationships as well, or your own life. In many ways the changes in life are so slow that you can only really notice them by looking back over a long time and seeing how far you have come from how you were. It is rather like the growth of a child. When you see that child every day you almost forget that they used to be half the size they are now.

I feel like it is a reasonable time to bring up some wider things that I have dealt with over the past year. Normally it would be a post for New Year, but it seems apt to discuss it in this, the 500th post of this daily blog. Over the past year I have had a lot of very good times. The holidays were great, even if I did grow fairly listless near the end. In contrast, this semester feels like it has been going on for a lifetime. The holidays seemed so far away within the first two weeks of lectures.

I think one of the biggest things for me was just how depressed I got midway through this semester. It is the sort of thing I don’t often want to discuss with people as it seems like I am always moaning about my emotions and the last thing I want to do is annoy people, but since it is my blog I feel like it is something I should mention. There were multiple times in this semester where I would lie down in bed and cry about all sorts of things. It is hard to really say if that was just because of stress or something else, but after a long cry and the weather growing slightly warmer following this, I did start to feel a lot happier. I think it is possibly due to reaching December that I grew more cheery.

Something that I think is very much in at least my own psyche is the desire to have something legitimately wrong with me that could lead to people giving me sympathy. It is an ugly part of my psychology, but that doesn’t mean it should be ignored as a part of me. To counteract this, I do tend to take a strong stance against self-diagnosis, especially because I see so many people with legitimate cases of depression and other mental health conditions. At times I do wish that I could possibly speak to a therapist about some of the things that do trouble me, but at the same time I would probably find that idea equally scary, having to discuss my own feelings with a  stranger without worrying about whether they think of me as self-centered.

I guess this entire post has been fairly self-centered though, so I am probably a bit late to be worrying about that stuff. Besides, it is getting to be that time of year where everyone should have a bit of cheer. I don’t consider this stuff to be that sad, really, but I know it might seem like a downer this close to merry old Christmas.

I could probably think of a lot more to talk about if I thought long and hard, but I probably should not overextend the length of this post. I have been writing while listening to some pretty nice music and it has been a fairly relaxing time so far, but I should call it a night soon and sleep. I decided to go into university a bit later tomorrow, so I shouldn’t feel too bad when I do eventually awaken, but that doesn’t mean I can afford to just stay up all night. And with that, I will resort to my most recent sticking point in my blog posts, by telling you all to have a good Friday and then ending the post as I always do.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.


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