Day 552: The 29th of January

Today. It happened.

So, my mother and I had a bit of a discussion about my future over the upcoming couple of years and I pretty much decided that I would rather take my employment into my own hands, rather than having it overseen by the university. I am going to be applying for some Summer vacation schemes over the coming days, to at least make an attempt at finding some experience before the end of university.

Feels strange, saying that. The end of university is not as far away as anyone might think. University is always described as this long, work-heavy process. Yet it is only three years and only twenty two weeks per year. I am already halfway through my entire course.

Other than that, I’ve been feeling pretty down, in truth. Just feel like a waste of space, who has essentially been living the good life while everyone else is working hard. And that is true, so there isn’t really much to argue there. I also have no idea what I want to do with my life, once university ends. I never really thought about what I wanted to do once I left education for good, I just assumed that I would know when it happened.

Was lying in bed for a good few hours yesterday evening, just wallowing in self-pity. Thinking about how, unlike practically everyone I know, I have essentially no life skills and no knowledge of the adult world of stuff like work. I know how to write a reasonably well-worded essay and how to memorise facts, but I don’t really know anything practical. That’s probably why teaching often appeals to me to some degree, even if I would be awful. At least I would actually know what I am talking about. In that regard it is a bit of a vicious cycle.

Despite that, I am feeling somewhat better today. The knowledge that I can just get work experience in my own time, without having to go through all the channels of university or being essentially held back a year and having to do the final year with strangers. I’m also a bit annoyed at just how limited the information regarding placements is, in terms of university help. There is no one place that has all the information you need in an easy to find and read document. Instead, they deliver it piecemeal and essentially expect you to just be able to figure it out. Well, fuck it, I just won’t do one.

I feel like my vocabulary and grasp of the English language has noticeably slipped in the past year as well. Honestly, I use the same words far too often and I find myself simplifying my sentences instead of attempting to use punctuation correctly. It’s stupid, I should be able to handle this stuff easily.

Need to go over some stuff and practice it, really. Comma placement, semi-colons and whatnot still throw me off on a daily basis, especially in this blog. It’s actually rather annoying, how much I care about appearances on here, when no one actually reads it. I guess that is the problem of having an online blog that is incredibly easy to find. Makes it hard to say exactly what you are thinking at any one time.

I’m rambling now though, so I should probably wrap this up. Hope everyone had a good weekend and are now ready to start the new week. And as always, hope everyone had a very good Sunday. Have a good Monday everyone.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.

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