Day 600: The 18th of March

Already 600 of these, huh? What the hell.

That is a pretty reasonable number of posts, don’t you think? I mean, we can all admit that the vast majority say the same thing, but I think the quality of the few interesting posts might just balance the quantity of the many terrible posts. And honestly, looking back on some of my old posts really shows the difference in attitude a year and a half can have.

I have been tempted in recent days to make a video or something: a message to my future self, if you will. Just get off my chest all of my problems and my hopes for the future and see if they change in a few years. This mainly came from discussions regarding what I would tell my past self if I could go back and speak to him.

It is questions like that which show me that I have a lot of regrets. But my present needn’t be so haunted by them. I do definitely still fall into the ‘what-if’ trap a lot in my mentality, which I have tried to avoid, but that is human nature. At the end of the day, I’m doing all I can muster the energy to do right now. Going to have some more free time soon, that will shake things up a little.

I need to reach out to my friends again. It seems like most days are spent without any interactions with the majority of them, with some notable exceptions. I have spoken to them on occasion but I guess they just know that I like my privacy. I can’t say I blame them for that, it is quite nice a lot of the time.

I could make the excuse that I got burned last year when I attempted to be proactive in my communication. I did spend a few months trying to get people to play the game that they had suggested in the first place. That has now pretty much fallen at the wayside, given our busy schedules. But still, getting snubbed for that long was a bit frustrating.

Then again, it would be an excuse. In truth, the main reason I don’t contact most of these people a lot of the time is simply through lack of energy. This semester has taken it out of me and even on the days when I don’t have to do things I get irritable from lack of sleep and whatnot. Or I just want that day off to recharge. So there’s that.

I have been told recently that the only way to prove that I really want something is to do something to bring it about. Seems fairly logical to make a list of the things that I want then. Then we can cross off, together, the things that I am not currently putting an effort into. And that should, in the theory of this person who shall otherwise not be named, lead us to what I truly want.

So, what do I want? I’m sure you can guess, if you have read the vast majority of my posts.

A significant other – A classic staple of the Elliott blog post, this concept is one that I have never stopped ranting over for practically my whole 600 posts on this damn blog.

To get fit – I mean, this should be a given. A guy who plays games for most of his free time and spends the other time worrying about getting a girlfriend; of course he needs to get fit.

To get to the next holiday – This is pretty much the true desire of most uni students, I would argue. Maybe not for the ones who just really enjoy uni life, but they are weird.

A Nintendo Switch and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild – So, this turns out to be one of the more challenging items on this list to actually achieve. Maybe it will be less so in a couple of weeks, when supply has really ramped up. Until then, sadness reigns.

A better handle on my mental health – Yeah, despite what I have been told regarding my mental health, including implications that I am essentially making any problems up, I would like to solve some of my more nagging concerns. The minor OCD-type symptoms make normal tasks pretty irritating.

Persona 5 – Yeah, this isn’t out yet internationally. We all have to wait until April.

Sleep – Well, I guess I don’t actually want this since I am still writing this post rather than trying to sleep. Checkmate, atheists.

Well I can’t really think of anything else right now, so let’s take a look at this list.

And, what do you know? Turns out the only one of these things that I want, according to one super duper psychologist, is the Nintendo Switch! I mean, that is the only one that I actively spent time searching for online today. So yeah.

Now, of course you could argue, and I would agree, that at least four of these simply require waiting and thus I am technically working towards these things just by being alive. The holiday will eventually come, I will probably get a Switch one day and Persona 5 is just around the corner. Sleep just requires me to quit writing this bullshit and turn off the laptop. But on the same leaf, none of these things ‘improve’ my life. At least not in the sense that most people would take the word to mean.

I’m not really sure what I was getting at with this, now that I have got this far. Just something a little amusing I wanted to fling together, I guess. And if this helps people to understand that, just because someone can’t summon the energy to start something, it doesn’t mean that they don’t truly want it, then that is a positive we can all take away.

Because in the end, it doesn’t matter what happens to me. My life will continue and have the same ups and downs regardless of if any of my wishes come true. The important thing is to live your own life the best way that you can. Or just make excuses not to and live regardless. It doesn’t truly matter.

Have a very fine Sunday everyone. Honestly not sure what the hell I was writing in this post and I’m not one to go back and reread it all. You’ll just have to take it as it is. Sorry about that. Now it’s time for this guy to get some sleep.

Elliott Rogers, novice blog writer extraordinaire.


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